How to Convince a Stranger to do the Unthinkable

Dedicated to Grace Cho and Sarah…sorry I don’t know how to spell your last name.  But you rock! I was Continue Reading →

How to Attract Men

As many of you know, the ultimate source of happiness is external. Some people falsely believe that satisfaction comes from Continue Reading →

How to Have a Stress-Free Finals Week

Have you ever thought during finals week, “Gee!  I’d rather skin myself alive and hang my decaying body from a Continue Reading →

How to Properly Bathe in a Washing Machine

Dedicated To:  Vicki and Mike Tozer (they’re not married) Obviously my last three blogs were of dire importance but what Continue Reading →

How to Ethically Earn/Save Money

From my past two blogs you can probably tell that I’m something of a Martha Stewart figure.  I taught you Continue Reading →

How to Stay Under 400 Pounds

Over the years I’ve managed to keep it under 400 pounds, so to say I’m anything short of nutritional genius would be Continue Reading →

Surviving a Bear Attack

I’m teaching you how to survive a bear attack.  (I like to use ambiguous titles to keep the flow of creativity Continue Reading →

Hey thanks for visiting my website!  That’s really nice of you.  I feel obligated to add an “About Me” page because I think it’s important that you know where the advice is coming from.  And now I can tell you that it is coming from an adorable little girl named Hannah.

chloe and hannah 150x150 About Me if you Care

To the left is my beautiful big sister. To the right is your missing spleen. Just kidding. Believe it or not that’s actually me. I was a free spirit from day one!

Little Hannah was born in April  of  1994 to her parents Mom Canetti and Dad Canetti.  What joy this lump of pissed off flesh brought her two parents and sister.  She grew up in a small town called Noneofyourbusiness in the U.S. of A.  She had a normal childhood and a normal family but something about little Hannah was not normal.

To this day it is unknown how Hannah’s parents decided to get her tested for ADHD but there are speculations.  Some say it was because of her doing back flips in the shower.  We will never know.  But shockingly the results were positive and little Hannah had Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Donut.  Some remain unconvinced due to her calm, cool, and collected disposition.

After Hannah was diagnosed with ADHD…nothing happened.  She just wanted to tell you she had it so that she can use it as an all-purpose excuse for saying offensive things.

Hannah has decided not to talk anymore about her childhood because it was about as eventful as if she’d lived in solitary confinement for eighteen years.  But then Hannah went to college at Idon’twantyoutostalkme University.  There she studies digital video and cinema and will be graduating May of 2016.  Her realistic goal is to be a comedy writer for a Sitcom.  But right now, she’ll just write this blog.  There may be a few holes in this article but I’m going to need you to shut up and tell me it’s perfect.