Well well well isn’t this an interesting subject to write about? Who are you talking to Hannah? I don’t know. Now who’s ready to talk about how to treat a menstruating lassie?! Alright ya eager beavers (no pun intended) let’s just hold off there for a second! First you need to know a few things about women. A woman is completely dysfunctional once a month. The part of her brain used for cognition changes functions to shed the uterine lining. She cannot make rational decisions and for about a week nothing she says is valid. Nonetheless she is almost worthy of being treated like at least the lowest caliber of the human race and may notice if you look at her like she’s a reproductive system. Some say I’m a woman, so let me teach you gentlemen, exactly how to treat a woman on her period.
For those of you who do not know what a period is, neither do I. It’s something about shedding your uterine wall and when you get it you probably aren’t pregnant. Also it makes you bleed in places you weren’t stabbed so it’s unfair. Now fellows, during this time a woman’s hormones are going up and down and sideways so it can make her feel emotional. If she yells at you for sleeping with her sister you can dismiss it. She’s just cranky. Women love when you tilt your head and say with a sympathetic voice “Is it your time of the month?” LOVE IT! You’d get laid instantly if that weren’t disgusting. It makes us ladies feel like you are the master of our bodies and we love that you understand how completely insane menstruation makes us! Ask my main man D Trizzle. He understands!
“[Kelly] gets out and she starts asking me all sorts of ridiculous questions. You could see there was blood coming out of her eyes. Blood coming out of her wherever.”
His compassionate and open-minded nature is what would make him a great president and let’s face it ladies, a great lover.
Another thing that you should do to be sympathetic towards a woman on her period is compare it to being kicked in the balls. Aside from it feeling like a foal has been crowning for the past five hours we don’t know real pain. We don’t have a weiner peiner and those things are sensitive. Never mind the fact that there was probably a reason you got kicked in the balls while women around the world wonder every day what God was smoking the day he made Eve. It makes us feel blessed that instead of having a fruit basket in our pants we get to have a slaughterhouse!
The last thing you can do to help a woman out during these times is to regulate her eating. She may think that after a day of losing a leg-worth of blood that she just wants a bit of chocolate. Stop this monster! She doesn’t know what she’s doing. Smack it out of her hand immediately. Eat it for yourself and then remind her that you only did it because she’s looking a little big. She’ll appreciate your support.
This is going to be a small concluding paragraph because you just need to treat her right. Period.
…do you get it? It was a pun. It’s hilarious.