How to Stay Informed

news How to Stay InformedI know what you’re thinking, why am I learning how to stay informed from the most intelligent, sophisticated, and aromatic angel to ever walk the planet? ¬†Well take a look in the mirror. ¬†What do you see? ¬†Nothing? ¬†That’s either because A.) you’re a vampire B.) you’re blind, or W.) ¬†You lack knowledge in your brain rendering you a shell of what some used to consider a human. ¬†When I look in the mirror I see synapses firing and a unibrow. ¬†Why? ¬†Because I keep informed. ¬†How can you do the same thing? ¬†Start by asking questions. ¬†But I’m already asking… ¬†Let’s move on.

When it comes to well-rounded education it’s important to pick and choose the¬†facts you¬†take in. ¬†For example, if Jane Goodall tells you something like “Chimpanzees are capable of empathy.” and then Kim Kardashian struts on over and informs you that “Chimpanzee is really just the word ‘Karaoke’ backwards.” who are you gonna believe? ¬†The simple answer is Kim. ¬†But the more complex answer is that it doesn’t matter which one you believe as long as you choose one. ¬†Too many sources will muddle your thoughts and¬†before you know it, you’ll be walking around¬†spouting off lies like “2+2=4.”

Similar to my note about being selective in which facts you believe, be selective in which disciplines you study. ¬†When you pick up that newspaper like the neanderthal you are, where is the first place you look? ¬†Politics? ¬†Great. ¬†Stop there. ¬†Read about that, soak¬†it in, and roll around in it until you’re a charismatic liar who points at people with a wink. ¬†It’s important not to take in two topics because you don’t want to pollute one with the other. ¬†I, Hannah Claire Christ, make mistakes sometimes and here is the perfect example. ¬†I read one thing about Article 50 and shortly after something about a fish that has analgesic venom with properties of heroin. ¬†So naturally I started telling people that Theresa May shot up heroin, grew gills on live television, and swam off into an underground cave where she hatched the egg that would contain Steve Bannon, who fired Bashar al-Assad from the NSC.

Look, I don’t have a lot of time. ¬†One reason being that I have to go choose more facts to believe. ¬†The second being that I have to go to work and I am forcing myself to write every morning. ¬†This is the first morning of that new order. ¬†For the sake of me, Jesus, and all of you, I’ll try to keep writing because without my advice I can’t imagine where this world would be. ¬†I’ll end on an inspirational quote that I made up just now; “Lemons can’t sing the way your heart dances next to Eleanor Roosevelt on a Tuesday afternoon, because carrots don’t lack the empathy needed to rule the world.” ¬†And with that, I leave you.

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